She Let Go

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A New Year Called 2023

Our world is organized into many cycles – timing, seasons, days, weeks and months and in January, we celebrate a calendar cycle, a new year called 2023.

Cycles are noted for their beginnings and endings.

In A Christmas Carol, The 11th Doctor commented with his usual sage advice:

Everything’s got to end sometime, otherwise, nothing would ever get started.

Now is our time for an ending.

A New Cycle

We’ve been writing here for 10 years and we are now cycling down that process. We’ve had periods of lots of writing, not much writing, and then bumping along the road with everyone else as we all attempted to manage the Covid pandemic.

Now, as we leave 2022 and enter 2023, it’s time to let go as we travel on to more life adventures.

No More Words

Sometimes, there comes a time when it feels like all the words have been said. As if there’s nothing new left to say. At a certain point, it doesn’t make sense to just keep repeating the words.

Silence sinks down. It’s not a dead silence; it’s filled with dynamism and movement, but not with words that are said ouloud.

Silence is alive in its potentiality of manifestation, yet it’s holding still for the moment. It’s right on the edge of a precipice of action, yet it’s as relaxed as if lying with eyes closed in a warm meadow in the valley.

Silence settles around us. We’re comfortable here. There’s simply nothing more to say.

And in that silence, here is a poem called She Let Go, by Reverend Safire Rose.

She Let Go

“Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of fear. She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely,
without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a
book on how to let go… She didn’t search the scriptures.

She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her day-timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.

She just let go.
She didn’t analyse whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line.
She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.

Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.”

A poem called She Let Go read aloud with soft music underneath it.

Cycles Of Life

Life is filled with cycles of beginning and ending. This website will be archived as I take a sabbatical from public teaching of The Radiance Technique®.

The Radiant Nursing Facebook page will also be archived and remain accessible. Scroll through the photos for hundreds of memes, quotes and ideas for inspiration as well as the many images of the Sun for Happy Sunday posts.

New adventures are calling, and off we must go. It’s time to don a fedora and discover the world.

If you want, you’re welcome to visit me on a new website and blog: LeslieAnneliese.com. It will be under construction for awhile. Check back for when it opens.

Thank you for being here over the years and sharing it all with me. What a journey we’ve had and I’m filled with gratitude for you.

In the meantime…

Be Wild.

Be Free.

Shine On.

A Dementia Evaluation Tool

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Dementia and Alzheimer's

How do we know where someone is within the world of dementia? It's as varied as the people experiencing it. 

Some people can talk about it. Some can even say, "I have Alzheimer's."

Others don't really know they have it. Or, it's too shameful to say out loud. 

The Greatest Generation

Our younger generations think everyone can say anything about everything, at any time, wherever they want. There seems to be a serious lack of verbal filters now-a-days. 

In contrast, our older generation, often referred to as The Greatest Generation, is our World War II generation. These parents of the Baby Boomers – they don't really talk about things. 

Like when they returned from World War II.

They didn't talk about it. They came back and went to work. They used the GI Bill, pursued education, bought houses, started families and got busy creating the middle class in America.

But, they didn't talk about it. 

Most of them also don't talk about end-of-life processes and many don't admit dementia.

Dementia Ravages The Mind

Furthermore, if they are suffering with dementia, their ravaged minds often don't allow them to articulate the process. This disease strips away the very neurons they need to describe it to us.

We lack any lab tests that can tell us where we are in the wide ranges of dementia. No enzyme level or blood test can identify its degree of severity.

So, how do we evaluate where they are? How can we talk about it amongst family members and with healthcare providers?

The use of vague terms like "late stage dementia" versus "end stage dementia" are frustratingly unhelpful. How do you really define late stage or end stage?

How do you define moderate or severe cognitive disease? They are all nebulous descriptions at best, subject to each person's interpretation and qualitative view.

We need something quantitative, something we can all see and agree upon. 

The FAST scale is just that. 

FAST = Functional Assessment Scale Tool

It was exasperating when we met with my mother's neurologist and he told us, "Well, she is probably in late state dementia, but not yet in end stage."

Excuse me? And just what is going to tell us when she is in end stage?

He didn't have an answer.

We left his office and vowed never to go back. It was a waste of our time and money just to have him tell us she has dementia. Yeah, we already knew that.

The greatest help came when the Palliative Care Nurse Practitioner presented us with the FAST scale. Finally, something we could quantify.

Here was a way to make sense of this intangible, yet devastating, disease. We were grateful that we could see where our loved one fell on the scale. Family members could discuss it with clarity.

"Here's where we are. Here's where we're going."

We didn't know how fast or slowly we'd get to the various stages, but we could see the inevitable steps that were coming.

And we could see the end result.

Stages Of The FAST Assessment

As shown on the FAST scale, Stages 1 through 5 are simple numbers with a description. Once you get to Stage 6, it breaks down into categories of 6a through 6e. Then, at Stage 7, it is divided into 7a through 7f.

When someone enters Stage 6, Palliative Care might be an option. Once someone enters into Stage 7, it is usually considered appropriate to be in Hospice. 

If you know anyone with dementia, take a look at the FAST Scale. It clarifies where your loved one is with the disease process.

The FAST scale provides a useful tool when we communicate with healthcare providers. Better healthcare decisions are made when we are all on the same page and use the same terms.

FAST scale for Alzheimer's Disease

 

The Myth Of Not Aging

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Myths About Aging

Pick up any article about aging and you'll see that 50 is the new 30 and 70 is the new 50.

As Baby Boomers head into, dare I say, old age, they're approaching it like they've attacked everything in their lives: head on and with a determined, "We're gonna change this!"

Have a good attitude!

Do this exercise!

Drink that vegetable juice!

It will keep you young! You won't age!

How many other products and ideas can you name that you "should" be doing? One more face cream, one more lip filler or Botox treatment, one more yoga pose. If you could just do one more something, then maybe you won't die. 

The Baby Boomers' can-do attitude worked in the 1960s, many things did change. And it will even work now, 50 – 60 years later, but only up to a certain point.

 
 

The Card Of Death Is Still In Play

We will still experience aging. We will still die.

Perhaps Baby Boomers will promote changes that allow for better measures to prevent extended suffering. We hope they will add enough voices that aging people will have a better quality-of-life and have more end-of-life choices available to them.

With all of our advances in medicine, we are able today to force human bodies to stay on the planet, whether they should or not, long after our bodies would have naturally let go. Then, there's the added complication of dementia that strips away our ability to have a vote in the matter. 

So, we are left to ask the difficult questions. When is it simply too much?

When are we needlessly suffering? 

When do we say a last good-bye? 

Everyone Will Die

There is not one physical body that has not slipped off the mortal coil of old age and into death. There is not one "attitude" that stopped anyone from dying eventually.

Somehow, when we die earlier, we berate ourselves for not being able to muster up "enough right attitude" to prevent it, when in fact, it was the natural process of the break down of our bodies. Not due to our attitude at all.

I don't think we have to worry about sending old people off to their demise based on the criteria of age alone. However, we have to have some frank discussion about how we will define qualify-of-life.

 
 

We Are Mortal

Atul Gawande explores the many facets of aging and end-of-life decisions in his book, Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End.

This book was recommended to me by the eye specialist treating my mother for wet macular degeneration. In his specialty, the majority of his patients are in their last 10 years of life. His entire staff read the book to better help and understand their patients. 

Although trained as a surgeon, Gawande writes at a level that all of us can understand. He breaks down the aging process of our bodies so that it makes sense. No, we can't stop aging, but we can help. If we have an idea of what's coming, we can take steps to prepare for it.

He's not afraid to ask the question: how are we going to die? How do we die when so many interventions exist that can force us not to? 

Gawande explores this slippery slope that medicine finds itself on. His book is not about giving us an answer, but rather increasing awareness to better be able to make decisions for ourselves and our loved ones. 

Acute Care Versus End-of-Life

I'm a Women's Health Nurse Practitioner and all my healthcare practice is about "fighting the good fight" – doing everything to fix and heal my patients and beating back death at every step.

As my mother experiences an extended end-of-life process, this book helped me to understand the breakdown happening in her body. It helped me to see the parts of aging that I can't fix.

Being Mortal even provided a sort of comfort that I wasn't failing in my mother's care. Gawande describes how the aging process profoundly effects each and every organ. No part of us is spared.

Being Mortal: A Must-Read Book

If you are aging, or if you know anyone who is aging, Being Mortal is a must-read.

And since we're all aging, no matter what we may think, we all need to read this book. 

It's worth more than one read.

 

Moving Is Filled With Goodbyes

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Goodbye Takes Many Forms

Moving is a time of saying hello to unknown, future adventures.

It's also replete with goodbyes.

Saying Goodbye

Moving means saying farewell to grand things: jobs, co-workers, a house that was a home, friends and family.

There are also goodbyes to little things, those sparkles that brighten one's day. Like loving gestures whispered on the wind and permanently seared upon my heart. Now, without them, a pale cloud of thin sadness drifts over me.

It's the goodbye to a sumptuous farmers market filled with year-round delectable treats. Or the wistful farewell to a food co-op with a bulk section that inspired envy.

Goodbye To The Little Things

It's little conveniences that are figured out over the space of several years. To avoid frustrating freeway backups, I discovered bucolic back roads. I whisked through wide fields dotted with cows and horses, heads bent to the tufts of grass before them.

The car dealership that provided good service (how rare is that?) and courtesy car washes. Or, the best place to buy gas.

The hair stylist. I finally found a good hairdresser after enduring a series of terrible hair cuts. She listened to what I wanted. She knew her trade. My heart sinks to think of the hairdresser-search beginning again.

Goodbye To The Earth

I said goodbye to each plant and tree that I had planted in the front and back yards. I watched them grow and change through five years of seasons.

The maple tree in my front yard grew stronger and straighter than all my neighbors' trees planted at the same time. Maybe the water helped, maybe it was the love. 

That tree had a story. Soon after I moved in, one of the stakes holding the tree broke. The furniture maker who came to adjust a piece of furniture noted its state of disrepair. Without being asked, our goodbyes had already been said and we hadn't mentioned it, he drove back to my place with another one to replace it.

I happened to look out the window to see him at work. Each strike of his mallet on the stake was made with deliberate, careful attention. I didn't walk outside, not wanting to disturb this selfless act of caring. He never knocked on my door, never asked for recompense.

My heart still smiles when I think of it. His stake held tight over time against the fierce, delta winds. My maple tree reached to the sky with that firm support, straight and tall. 

I was able to thank him in person for his thoughtfulness, five years later when I had another piece of furniture to repair. He was sweetly proud of his handiwork and we stood together, admiring "our" straight tree.

I hope the new homeowners appreciate its regal beauty.

Little things, left behind as my car drove out of town.

Goodbye. Hello. The continuum of our lives.

 

A Song For Ariel

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Saying Goodbye To The Neighbor's Kitty

Moving can include saying goodbye to the neighbor's kitty. 

Ariel, a long-haired grey cat, came into my life a couple of years after I moved in to my place in California. The neighbors in the two-story house behind me moved out and soon after, she started to appear in my backyard.

"Hello! I'm heading over the fence to hang out in your backyard." 

Whose Kitty Is This?

I visited the people in the house behind me, to check if the cat was theirs. I was deeply concerned this might a situation of people moving and abandoning their pets. But, fortunately, they confirmed the cat belonged to them and that her name was Ariel.

I have to say I don't "approve" of outdoor cats. Veterinarians agree that cats are healthier, safer and live longer lives when kept as indoor cats. 

A Backyard And A Kitty

But, when Ariel decided to make my backyard, her backyard, it didn't seem appropriate to lecture the neighbors on my views of proper care for cats.

Trying to chase her away would have been silly, as we're all familiar with the challenges of herding cats. 

I certainly couldn't wish her harm. In fact, on the contrary, I fell in love with her as my friendly neighbor and frequent visitor.

"Meow! I'm at your sliding glass door. Are you there?"

Enjoying The Backyard

Ariel and I both enjoyed the backyard. She would pop over the fence early in the morning and spend most of the day there. She had a couple of spots that had been worn smooth into comfy lairs by her body. 

She would greet me with a soft meow and come out from under the bushes when I entered the backyard. She'd come to the sliding glass door to say hello in the evening.

Being a cat lover, I wouldn't dream of resisting her sweet face and freely shared TRT® hands-on with her. I talked with her.

What a sweet, loving kitty. I could pick her up and hold her; she loved being petted. She was always kind and gentle with me when I handled her.

 I consciously made a decision to never feed her any food so she wouldn't think of my place as her real home, but she, nonetheless, made it her second home.

She would head over the fence, sometimes late at night, back to her own house. I'd tell her that she should be home with her family.

"My name is Ariel, and there are secrets within my eyes."

Saying Goodbye

I told Ariel, more than once, that I had to go away for good, that I was moving. Trying to explain that to humans is not so easy, much less animals.

I left a note for the new homeowners about her and I hope they will be kind to her. 

She remains in my prayers that she will be safe and sound.

 

Fading Flowers And Love

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Flowers From Beginning To End

“When you love life totally, how can you avoid death?

You have to love death also.

When you love a flower deeply, you love its withering away also.

When you love a woman deeply, you love her getting old also, you one day love her death also. That is part of her life, part of woman.

Old age has not happened from the outside, it has come from the inside. The beautiful face has become wrinkled now – you love those wrinkles also, they are part of your woman.

You love a man and his hair has grown white – you love those hairs also. They have not happened from the outside; they are not accidents.

Life is unfolding and now the black hair has disappeared and the gray hair has come. You don’t reject the gray hairs, you love them, they are a part of the man.

Then your man becomes old, becomes weak – you love that too.

Then one day the man or the woman is gone – you love that too. ”
— Osho
 

What better teacher than Nature to capture the essence of birth and death and how love hums at the heart of it all?

Observing nature in my backyard, I decided to photograph the blossoming flowers. I positioned myself to capture their humble beginnings of greenery. Eager buds stretched forth as they pushed their way into the world. Twirling out of a spiral, they opened their petals to become the flower they were meant to be. 

Everyone loves flower buds and blossoms.

As I documented their journey through the lens of my iPhone camera, I began to wonder – why isn’t the entire process considered beautiful?

I came upon this quote by Osho and it captured what I was feeling. He gets to the core of the issue. We can love the entire process from beginning to end. We don't have to be limited only to the parts that our limited minds deem to be pretty.

 Even fading petals have a song to sing, don't they?

See the unfolding of the flowers in these photos:

Here, a flower opens its petals from within a spiral.

 Now the flower opens wide in a blaze of color and a fire burns at its center.

 The petals are shifting past their prime and begin to curl at the edges.

 The flower fades further, petals crumple more.

 The full glory of the flower is gone. One tenacious petal remains attached.

 All the petals are gone. Only the glowing ember of a flower remains.

Love From Beginning To End

As flowers bloom, age and wither, beauty can be seen in all the steps of the process.

Love is at the heart of the journey. A love without judgment of whether they’re at the beginning or the end or how frazzled we look when it’s all over. We tap into natural cycles and the love that connects us all.

In our meditations, we become aware of the conditioning and judgments we place on ourselves regarding what we can or cannot love.

We allowed to love the birth, but not the death. Yet, the dying process is our ultimate journey on Earth. It's not about being in love with death itself, but rather, holding love through the “final” process that awaits all of us.

The Heart Of A Lion

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Cecil The Lion

“The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.”
— Mahatma Gandhi
 

All of us have lion hearts. Sometimes we have to find them.

Cecil The Lion

Cecil the Lion – with his black mane, was a major attraction and beloved animal in the Hwange National Park in Zimbabwe. He was a source of national pride.

He lived on protected territory and was part of a University of Oxford research program.

He was illegally hunted and killed. The hunters were well aware that what they did was illegal. Cecil had a tracking device that the hunters tried to destroy, unsuccessfully.

The lion killer bragged to a waitress that he "killed the biggest lion in the world."

Great, so none of the rest of us can enjoy that lion? Could you be any more selfish?

Jimmy Kimmel weighs in on the killing of Cecil the Lion.

It's an entirely uneven fight. He killed something and proved his power? Seriously? Shooting a gun full of bullets kills any and everything. That's a given fact and no big surprise. He acts like this makes him important. How can that possibly make you superior?

What if the hunter had said instead, "I saw the biggest lion in the world and look at this photo." Wouldn't we all be able to share in the joy of it and pat him on the back?

Trophy Hunting Of Endangered Animals

What destruction must drive through someone's heart to need to partake of trophy hunting? Hearts devoid of compassion and love, unable to empathize or grasp the pain or suffering of others. The hunters try to justify their actions with defensiveness.

Trophy hunters purposefully use the key word "took" instead of "kill" in an attempt to lull others into thinking it is less violent than it is. That is exactly the word the killer of Cecil used in his letter to his dental patients.

Fighting Our Causes

All of us have political and ethical issues that are near and dear to our hearts. One issue is not more or less valuable than the other. Certainly, one single person cannot carry the burden of every single issue that exists. If this is not an issue that speaks to you, that is your right. 

Working together, on all our different issues, hopefully our combined efforts will change the world for the better.

Because change is needed. Desperately.

“Since 1986, WildCRU, now with over 50 researchers, has grown to be one of the largest and most productive conservation research institutes in the world.”
— WildCRU

WildCRU (Wildlife Conservation Research Unit) is the conservation group that was tracking Cecil. WildCRU is part of the University of Oxford, within the Department of Zoology. You can visit their website to learn more about them or to donate to their work.

The Tears Of A Lion

Sometimes an issue is so difficult to face and full of sorrow that we turn away. It can be difficult to fight or even direct positive energy, because the situation causes us great pain or makes us angry. These are the moments we have to remind ourselves to keep going forward.

We have to walk through that pain or anger. We can't let the darkness stop us from moving into the light, exactly what darkness would want.

We have to find the heart of a lion within us.

Loving And Caring For Our Animals

Some people belittle those who are fighting for Cecil the Lion, for caring so deeply for animals. It's okay to love our animals and our planet with all your heart. 

Our animals need our help. They don't have our human voices to yell about the wrongs, nor the money to make people listen.

We are their voices.

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.”
— Anatole France